ENGL296 Blog Post

When it comes to relationships, many people have a certain view of how they work. Traditionally people would meet in person through community events, whether at their church or through familial connections. As we industrialized and city life became something that young people partake in, this shifted to bars, clubs, and other events people do in downtown. With the rise of the internet, dating has once again transformed to meeting people online. Dating apps such as Tinder and Hinge became “the way” to meet new people. Typically one would create a profile, and then spend hours swiping and looking for a match.

However, many people are often disillusioned with dating apps, and for good reason. It can be very demoralizing spending hours crafting “the perfect profile,” trying to make yourself look as ideal as possible. As the reading states “The identity of people becomes defined by irrepressible identificatory physical qualities that can be measured.” There is an immense amount of value placed on making sure that you present yourself in the best possible way, and your ability to obtain matches and go on dates is oftentimesa major source of status in modern society and how people perceive you.

I say all of this to say that despite all of these norms around dating, in particular during the COVID-19 pandemic and afterwards people have started looking for other ways to form connections with people on the internet. One such application is Discord. Discord allows for the creation of “servers” or private spaces for people to hang out with their friends, or for online creators/celebrities to interact with their followers, or even for teachers/professors to talk with their students. Given the role that discord plays, the connections people make on there are typically viewed as either ephemeral, “fake,” or otherwise not “as deep” as connections made in person. Some of this is for good reason: people lie or catfish on large servers in order to scam people, and other servers are known for having individuals with unorthodox personalities and interests.

But through Discord, I have made many of my closest friends, and in particular I was able to form two long term (2+ years) relationships with people I met from Discord. Every person I have ever talked to, and the vast majority of my friends who have been in relationships have never formed one through Discord. Whenever I mention how these relationships formed, I am typically met with shock, awe, some amount of envy, and surprise. Discord is not known for the formation of romantic relationships, and in particular long term relationships.

Being able to form these relationships has been very impactful and incredible for me. I have made so many memories and formed deep connections that I never thought I would be able to do. Additionally, I have learned more about myself as a person, and what I want from a relationship. I have been able to grow as a human being and figure out how to be a better significant other and what value I provide in a romantic relationship. More generally, I have also been able to be better at talking to people and being able to express myself. Talking to people on Discord has helped me get better at generally speaking about myself, my interests, and generally developing my personality to be someone who is at least a little bit interesting - after all I never shared a picture of myself with my two previous partners until we started dating.

In the writing, Davis states: “The notion of an ideal implies that, in this case, the human body as visualized in art or imagination must be composed from the ideal parts of living models.” In ancient societies the ideal was known to be an unachievable goal but something that people could attempt to strive towards. By being on Discord, and being able to talk to people as a faceless individual with only my profile picture available, I was able to avoid the pressures of worrying about how my body looks. In some sense, my body was an “ideal body,” as nobody knew what I looked like and therefore could only judge me on my personality.

Lately I have learned of other people who have met their current or former partners on non-traditional apps as well, including Discord as well as video games such as League of Legends and Valorant. I am immensely grateful for the experiences that I had and the relationships I formed. It has taught me so much about myself and allowed me to grow as a person.